When Your Heart Hurts

Have you ever felt that deep hurt in your chest when life tosses you overboard? Everything you planned, cried over, prayed & hoped for falls into the nothingness of the sea & you along with it. Life threatens to drown sometimes. Lately that’s how I’ve felt…

You know, I’ve tried to trust God about my life – my life that feels so stagnant like a swampy muddy bog, when I want a rushing exciting river to carry me far away. I pray & pray for God to give me strength & patience, but it doesn’t always come when I want it to. I cry myself to sleep (feeling that ache in my chest) & cry out to my Father, but I don’t always feel Him at those moments. But…I still believe. Somewhere deep down in that place of ache I know He is with me & has not deserted me to the engulfing waves that pound upon me…wearing me down, down, down.

If you are in the storm too, please know that you are not alone. God has not forgotten, abandoned, given up on you, taken a vacation, left.

This song by the band Downhere says it better than I can…

“When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began…

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.”



I have to realize that when the plans I hope & pray for don’t come to be, that God has other plans that are not my own & His time is not known or understandable to me. There is fear in total surrender to God’s plans, which are uncertain & unclear until He brings them to light. Waiting has never been something I’ve enjoyed. But I have to right now. Yes, I’d rather kick out & scream, demanding my "rights" to my Father, but in the end I have no real “rights” outside of surrendering. My Father will take care of me, even when it feels like He’s left me by the side of the road. He hasn’t gone anywhere. He’s still there.

So, you & I are not alone in this fight, God is present. We are not alone.

Here’s what Storyside:B’s song “Be Still” says…

“Some days I wanna run
Sometimes I come undone
But I still belong to You

That's how I know that

When I feel like caving in
My heart, my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up

Can you hear me, Lord
My face is down upon the floor
It's then You whisper in my ear
‘Be still and know I'm here’…

I know it's hard to feel alone
In this world so unforgiving
I've been feeling that way too

It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone
It's not just you, and not just me
We all need to believe that
We are not alone…"



To all who have felt that deep-cutting pain in your chest & have had eyes that sting with hurtful tears, know that Jesus is holding you still. If you’ve never given Him your life & accepted Him as your Savior & way to heaven, I hope you’ll take a look at my Good News page found at the top of my blog &/or open up a Bible. Without Him in my life I know I couldn’t make it through these valley times.

I’m taking a few days off from blogging, & I plan to be back by this Monday or possibly a little before. I’d appreciate your prayers. I feel better just letting all my sisters-in-Christ know that my last few days have been so tough. Please pray for all that are struggling & being worn thin. I love you all.

-Bess-

Dear Lord,

Please help me & save me still. Thank You for Your great patience with me. Forgive me for all that I have done against You that has caused You & me pain. I'm sorry. I need You. Help me to know that You are with me & to remember that You are for me.

In Jesus' sweet Name,
Amen.