Come closer dear reader…closer…closer…BOO!
What scares you? I mean really scares you? Is it spiders, mad dogs, criminals, being alone, death, illness, the economy, nightmares, lunatics, loneliness, the nightly news, war, fire, the end times, what? I used to be a major worrywart. You name it (like all of the above), I would worry over it. I’ve heard it said that worry is like a rocking chair – it’s something to do, but it gets you know where. That’s so true…I could even acknowledge this truth amidst my great worry, but you know what, I still worried. This clever quote didn’t stop my mind from roaming into terror-filled thought patterns. I can remember thinking, ‘I just wish there was a switch I could flip…one that would stop me from fearing…everything.’
My anxiousness rose to extremely high levels back in 2008. I had been betrayed by someone who was supposed to care for me, someone I was supposed to be able to trust. All this hurt & fear swelled up inside of me & I lost my faith & trust in so much. My fears were rarely rational: I would worry whether or not some crazy person had tampered with a bottle from the store; I worried about my house burning down when my family & I would go out; I worried about burglars; I would worriedly walk the floor when someone was running late; I feared the possibility of illnesses. I worried & worried & worried.
I knew in the Bible God told us, His children, not to fear or be anxious (see THIS post), but just like the rocking chair quote, I still feared. I didn’t voice many of my worries to others; I continued with my daily life (that was now in a gray shadow), but fear lay inside of me…brewing at every opportunity. Heavens, I even worried about worrying! I knew it was wrong to worry, which made it even worse. Guilt was creeping in now, & a feeling of ‘Why couldn’t I stop this?’ I prayed many times, bringing it before the Lord, but worry still found its way in by some unmarked door.
I can remember a week in college (2008), when my mom & stepdad were away on a trip, & I was home alone. One night my irrational anxiety led me to fear that something was physically wrong with me, & on top of that I was afraid to close my eyes in sleep in case someone was to break in & I didn’t hear them (I know wild, huh?). I knew these fears were from the devil, trying to shake me from the hope & peace found in Jesus, but the fear at that moment was real to me. I prayed out loud to my Father asking Him to deliver me. I sang songs to Him through tears. Somehow He delivered me through that scary night. Prayer (mine & others for me), His Word, & seeking His peace & help got me through the fearful darkness. Bringing my fears to Him & leaving them in His mighty hands was just what I needed to do.
Today, two years later, I am finding my freedom & peace in Christ Jesus daily. Worry still comes knocking, but I hold onto to my King & His words of peace, safety, & love. It isn’t always easy, but it’s the only way to truly live & live for Him. This world is truly frightening without the hope of everlasting life in Jesus. If you do not know Him, I encourage you to visit the “Good News” page &/or open up a Bible & find a Bible preaching church. You don’t have to go on this journey alone; God wants to hold your hand & lead you through. Courageously letting go of fears is a part of finding the true trail He has in store for you. It isn’t easy, but there is safety in the shadow of His wings & courage in His Word. Choose to let it go...say 'no' to fear!
Love & Fearlessness,
-Bess-
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:6-7
“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” -1 Peter 5:7
I was journaling one night, with the prompt of "What are you afraid of?" When I really thought about it, I started to see a common theme to all my fears: they were either fear of the unknown or social fears. The three major things that I am afraid of are public speaking, being embarrassed in front of a lot of people, and worrying about what other people think of me. I know it doesn't matter at all, and I hope that I'm slowly working toward getting over them. Some days are easier than others. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for all of these fear posts!
~Kristin
Thank you for this post! I consider myself a worrier, and I know how disrespectful that is to God! Whenever I find myself becoming worried, I'll remind myself of what you said in this post. (:
ReplyDelete~Lily
Bess, this has helped me...I guess in knowing that another Child of God has fear. I mean, I know that in itself, fear is horrible for anyone, but I know I am not alone. Thank you for sharing part of your story!
ReplyDeletelove you lots,
Amber