Tuesday, May 17, 2011

My “Mercies in Disguise”

"Mercies In Disguise"

Many of you Gal Pals know from reading my posts that I have spent much time searching for work since graduating college. I am grateful to God for the part time job I found last August, which helped get my foot in the door {Why does it always seem to get smashed?}, but I am still on the lookout for the career I truly went to school for. This summer will likely be full of interviews & waiting…in fact, it’s already begun, & I’d like to share just on the chance it might encourage you with whatever your facing right now.

A couple weeks ago…
I quickly wrote the date & time down on the edge of a newspaper. Yes, I had an interview lined up! Sure, it was for a place I had interviewed at once before a year or so ago, but it was something – I hoped. I decided to be good & write it on my calendar.
Family & friends assured me they were praying for me…some even went so far as to say, “this is going to be it.” The time made it so I had to leave directly from work & skip lunch to get there without the fear of being late. I dressed extra professional-like with a gray pinstripe blazer & matching gray slacks. I was ready – as ready as I’d ever be. It was very hot & let’s just say my air conditioner isn’t the best. The job was nestled into a not-so-nice neighborhood. I was passing by all the street names I’d heard on the local news notorious for late night shootings & gang activity. Praying for my interview & singing along with the radio, I pulled into the parking lot. This could be it! The parking spaces all had these little green “street” names in front with inspirational titles. I pulled into the 1st open slot: “Decision Drive;” I hoped that was a good sign.
I made my way to the office hot, hungry, but putting that aside for the nerves & anticipation of the interview. I told the lady at the desk my name & the purpose of my visit & then sat down. I was quite a few minutes early, but better that than late. I sat running everything through my mind that I wanted to make sure & say. The interview time came & went, & still nothing. Finally, after 15 minutes past the appointment the man came out who I was to interview with, & I settled my butterflies & rose from my chair. “It’ll just be a few more minutes.” I smiled politely, said that was fine, & sat back down – perturbed, but willing to wait. About 15 to 20 minutes later he came back out holding a Styrofoam cup of what appeared to be hot chocolate. And, I thought, “this is it now; people are praying & I can do this through Christ in me” - & got up again. This time he said, “Are you sure this is the right day? I think you read the e-mail wrong.” I stare at him in disbelief, “I don’t know. I thought it was this day,” heat rising to my cheeks from the most unpleasant recipe {sure to cause heartburn} of anger & embarrassment. “Is there any possible way you can see me today? I waited so long already,” I was almost begging here. “No, there’s no way,” he says taking a sip of his cocoa & not even attempting to apologize, “Come next Monday.”
I left the building shaking & fought back my tears until I got into my car, turned the key, pushed the radio knob, reversed out of “Decision Drive” & turned out of the parking lot. I sobbed as I drove through the “killer” streets of the city; it wasn’t easy going driving on unfamiliar roads & crying like a baby. The tears kept on coming though. Then, my radio played this song…

& just like the song says I “cried out in anger” at my God & “doubted His love” as I drove home, tears streaming, in my hot car. I listened to those words of Laura Story’s song & I tearfully said out loud, “I don’t believe it.” All the hope of that day - that had only been made larger through the countless many prayers & paths of my three year job search – fell unfulfilled upon me & made me cry out in defiant anger. Why, God?
Looking back & listening to the song many times since, I know it was no accident that song came on that drive home.  And, I'm pretty certain I witnessed one of God’s “mercies in disguise” that day - even if I won't understand till I see Him face to face...but on that day I do, I will thank Him for it.


P.S.: I did go back on Monday {I had written the date wrong on my calendar - funnily enough not the newspaper, though} & when I pulled into the free space in the parking lot the post read “Perseverance Pike.” Even though it’s been a few weeks ago & I’ve heard nothing in response to my interview, I trust God’s mercies through the “tears, trials, & sleepless nights.”  I hope you do too. 

*Song: Blessings by Laura Story

1 comment:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this, Bess. I am praying for you :)

    Annie Joy


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