Being the Bachelorette

Be honest. Do you ever wonder one or more of these? 
Will a nice guy ever like me? 
Will I ever fall in love? 
Am I pretty enough? 
Why have I never been asked out? 
Is something wrong with me? 
Will I ever find ‘the one?’ 
Will I be alone forever? 


Truth Be Told
Let’s face it girls. Most of us can own up to pondering one or more of these questions that pop & sizzle in our brains & leave us feeling unsatisfied with where we are – in bachelorette-hood {picture me flashing a horizontal peace sign & looking fly {or something=)}. Okay, so bachelorette-hood may not feel that great – in reality, you may barely be able to muster a measly high-five to your fellow single girlfriends, let alone a “fly” peace sign. Okay, so what’s the matter with us? 


TV
 Hmmm… I blame TV. No, really. I do. At least partially. The majority of the media world works to convince us daily that a ‘relationship’ is a must.  You've likely heard of the "reality" show, The Bachelor/Bachelorette.  Each season 1 man or woman is chosen & dates multiple members of the opposite sex at once in search for 'the one.'  These contestants regard the relationship as the prize - & everybody wants to be a winner.  Sexual images ranging from what I call “sneaky ads” (such as a man & woman walking side-by-side with their hands in each other’s back pockets to a fully-dressed woman showing cleavage) to “out-in-out ads” (where nothing is hidden & it’s all out in the open, such as ads from Victoria-who-has-no-secrets) bombard us from magazines, billboards, internet, commercials, store-fronts, movies, & yes, TV, too. 


Three Little Hard Words
 What’s a girl to do in such a crazy, mixed-up, broken place? Guard her heart. I want to say from the start that this isn’t easy – it’s three straight-forward words, but this is going to be hard – not only because of our messed-up-priorities-sinful-self/instant-gratification world, but because of our own human nature & temptations. Just remember those questions you may have been asking yourself: “Why have I never been asked out?” “Is something wrong with me?” “Will I be alone forever?” While those are typical questions from many girls, they are also evidence to a girl’s vulnerability. Her aspirations to be loved, held, & desired {all completely normal God-given attributes} leave her vulnerable to that fact. If the vulnerability factor is present there is always the potential to stumble, thus guarding your heart is tough. 


The Snag in the Dream Catcher
 Let’s get even deeper in this, shall we? It’s true that God placed in us the desire to be desired & loved. Here comes the snag in the world’s dream catcher, though… wait for it… A human can’t complete another human or completely fulfill another human’s needs. You see, the worlds caught in a horrible, deadly game of trying to find fulfillment & completion in all the wrong places. Even ‘the one’ won’t be the missing puzzle piece to all you desire… You’ll still be wanting. 


 The Missing Piece 
The only way to complete your puzzle is by knowing the One who placed the desire to be desired in you in the first place: a true, real relationship with God, who gave up His beloved Son for you, & bought you at a great price when you were utterly undeserving & unlovable. It’s amazing, isn’t it? He is the creator & completer. Having the hunkiest, most devoted husband who kisses the ground you walk upon would not be enough on its own. You’d still be craving - something would be missing. What’s such a blessing {to us in the bachelorette-hood, in particular} is that a solid relationship with Christ is enough! A cute guy to hug, hold, & kiss us is not required. I promise. Guys fail, God never will. He knows you & every little detail of your life completely, He even knows & understands your desires. He even has a count on the strands of your hair! 


 Still 
 I hear some of you now quietly asking, “Then why am I still feeling this way & asking these questions? I love Jesus & know He lives within my heart.” Well, a missed-mashed variety of reasons, some we’ve already discussed, like the world presents sexual images to us on a silver platter that we must continually battle; sexual temptations (many arising from the images we see); our own human nature; peer pressure; comparing your bachelorette status to other girls in relationships with the opposite sex; love “awakened” before it’s time, which is extremely hard to put to sleep (spoken of in Song of Songs 8:4, “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” ). As you can see, this guarding your heart stuff isn’t easy. I hate to say I told you so, so I won’t, cause I’m right there with ya! What I know is this, even if you found a great guy today & started dating him, if you tried to make him the center of your life & existence, you’d be let down, disappointed, &, yes, you guessed it, wanting & waiting for the next flavor of the month – which you’d hope this time would be the magical fixer of all wants. If God is your center, you’re going to be okay, honestly. You have everything you need in Him, even when you don’t always recognize it. I love that! 


 Game Plan 
Recently in my own life I’ve decided to create what I’m calling my “Game Plan” to guarding my heart. I simply made a list {which can be revised & added to} of things I need to cut out or add to my life to help maintain sexual purity in mind, body, & spirit. Here’s some things from my list (hope you find them practical & helpful): 
-take a daily walk with God (this consists of me walking around my neighborhood & having an open conversation/prayer with my heavenly Completer in my head) 
-read a daily devotional (I added this in along with my daily Bible reading) 
-stop watching shows that portray any sexual innuendo (these are like the “sneaky ads” – they can seem completely innocent, but be corrupting you nonetheless) 
 -read godly resources that deal with guarding my heart (I am currently reading Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Etheridge & Stephen Arterburn & I highly recommend it for teens & young women for its frankness & godly outlook) 


Finally
This confused highly sexualized world is a tough place for us Bachelorettes, but with the Lord in our hearts, a plan in place for keeping our hearts guarded in such a battle zone, tons of prayer, much practiced self control, & a strong desire to know & love God in all that we do with our whole self, we can make it safely & righteously into God’s plan for our life. It won’t be easy, but through His strength we will make it! 

Love to All You Fellow Bachelorettes, 

-Bess-

P.S.: Click here for a past Bess' Bag post on living fully in your bachelorette-hood.