Crushed

You know the memory verse over on the right hand side of the blog? Scroll down a teensy bit – there it is. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted & saves those who are crushed in spirit.” –Psalm 34:18 NIV. If that verse were a person, I’d be bear hugging it to death. If it were a handle on the subway, I’d be gripping it till my knuckles turned white. Right now, at this point in my life {in respect of honest blogging}, I feel crushed. Mortar & pestle crushed… down to ashes.

Certainly, God told us this life would be hard. “Here on earth you will have many trials & sorrows.” –John 16:33 b1 NLT. It’s been hard for a long time. I often ponder if this is ever going to get better this side of heaven - if everyone {or, at least, the majority} are under heavy loads that are slowly crushing them into the dust of their own bones. Are most people happy? Is happy even a suitable goal? Is it even right to be happy if so many are aching in the ashes of their trouble? Of course, I know we are to be joyful in Christ – no matter the circumstance, & that joy is deeper & stronger still than mere happiness.  But I am apt to loose it on the path.  

There is a catalyst to all my ponderings, an evil source that strives to drive these uncertainties into my being – like a venomous ingredient stealthily slipped into the mortar & then ground into my soul. The devil is at work in my weak moments, seeking to bring me lower, with lies & fears & doubts that fly like flaming arrows hitting my weakest spots, which my enemy knows full well.

In this crushing season, there is still God at work. He hasn’t taken time off, in fact, He is intricately working through this season. There is something to be learned that will make me better, more whole, more beautiful – or there is another path that God is bringing to newer & better things that I would never have taken had it not been for the broken road. If only I could see it. Have you noticed how I want it easy? Instant peace, like instant oatmeal, right now understanding - no strength, endurance, self control, faith, hope necessary. I see the weakness of my flesh; the lack of maturity to my soul; my selfish childlike ways… Yes, sometimes there is necessity to being crushed – impurities need to be ground away & the Potter’s hand needs to smooth out the imperfections to make us beautiful – beautiful through His hand.

So, if you, like me, are “brokenhearted” & “crushed in spirit” know that He is close, just as He said. When you weep yourself to sleep & feel the deep down cutting ache; when each step is burdensome, like wading through quicksand; when you are too weary to hope or pray or trust; when you don’t recognize the girl in the mirror & you feel like you’ve lost yourself & are going crazy, know He is there & at work. You probably won’t be able to see it right now. It may feel like the Lord’s out to lunch & you’ve been abandoned, but that is the creeping lies of the evil one that doesn’t want you to see the miracles at the end of this. Don’t believe him – he lies. “For God has said, “I will never fail you. I will never abandon you.” –Hebrews 13:5 b NLT. Hold on to the Truth. Hold on to that hope.

Love & Hope,

-Bess-