Thursday, June 10, 2010

Dating, Waiting, Courting…What’s a Girl to Do?

Seeking Guidance

Okay, forgive me now, cause I’m not going to deem these 3 choices of dating, waiting, & courting in a “good, better, best” kinda way, but I will be sharing my thoughts on the 3 & also talking about the paths I’ve chosen past & present. So, let’s begin!

First off, in any pursuit of a knight-in-shining armor (& any pursuit at all really), if you are encouraged to do something that goes against God’s Word – the Bible – then be most certain to flee from such: person & action. God never calls us to do something He has told us to not to do in the Bible. Remember that always!

Let’s look at this thing called dating first. On the surface, I see nothing wrong with dating. In fact, if used properly it can be a great way to find a Godly mate. “Properly” is the key word. God never told us in His Word, “Thou shall not date.” So, let’s look into this more. Here’s what your big sis (to most of you=) has to say… I encourage you to look at why you chose to date a guy. If it’s to be able to say you went out with the boy, to gain popularity, to have that coveted attention from a male… then you need to reconsider. Dating as a mere pastime can be one slippery slope: you’re toying with another’s emotions (perhaps leading him on – even unknowingly); you can even find yourself caught up in the excitement of dating & the guy’s attention & lead yourself into believing you have feelings you don’t, which could lead into even more trouble. Ultimately, if you’re dating someone you know you aren’t really interested in you’re using someone…something you surely wouldn’t want someone to do to you. So, what is the “proper” way to date?
-Do nothing that is against (or even has the appearance of going against) God’s Word.
- Limit dating to only godly guys that you are interested in.
-Always have your parents’ approval for each date.
-Obey your parents’ dating rules.
-Use date time to truly get to know each (& be honest)!
-Pray for God’s will.
-Never be in a situation that makes you be “alone” with this guy...a crowd of strangers at the movies or a restaurant is all right.
Now, let’s look at waiting. Waiting is where you simply wait for the man God has for you to come into your life & take an interest. You don’t seek dates & you don’t accept any offers you may receive. Ultimately, when your Prince finally arrives something must follow…most likely a form of courtship or dating. While you wait you pray (hopefully we all do that in all 3 ways) for God to make you patient & lead the right man in at the right time. Waiting could be viewed by the world as “extreme” or even plain “crazy,” but thankfully the falsities they think don’t amount to a hill of beans. =)
Finally, let’s review the benefits of courting. Already defined in one of my previous posts, courtship is a very intentional process with the sole purpose of finding a spouse; parental guidance is also key in this. The mere word courtship seems old fashioned & romantic. This can be a great means of finding your true love, especially with the support & protection of your family abounding. A promise of courtship needs to be agreed upon by both of the couple. Christian parents are also almost imperative in this process, which may make it harder to accomplish for some - finding an older godly couple at your church to stand in that position of encouragement, guidance, & accountability could be a great option for those in that situation. In courting, you’re not so unsure about the male’s feelings, because the choice to court is a serious one. I honestly don’t know tons about courtship, so if you have any insight please feel free to share!
-The Truth About Bess-
Okay, here’s the truth for ya. In middle & high school I never dated once…I don’t think I was asked out once either. Don’t forget I went to public schools, so I struggled with feeling like I was abnormal in some way for never being chosen by a guy. While in college, somebody finally asked me out – I felt chosen at long last! I dated (& I use the word very loosely) one guy for one very short time…I’ll talk about this in a future post about being equally yoked (that should tell you something right there). So, I’m still =) waiting for God’s perfect timing & that special someone who’ll sweep me off my feet…I’m open to dating & courtship, too, when the time comes. If you feel like a nobody, cause you've never been asked out yet or some other something (remember you're in good company with your big sis Bess =) & know that it's simply not so! In fact, waiting makes you a very worthy somebody in my book! God's plans are more beautiful than you can imagine; don't settle for anything lower!

I encourage each of you to weigh which one of these 3 might be best for you at this time, & to seek God’s will & guidance always.



  1. I just wanted to tell you that my older sister (25) is not married, and not dating. So your not alone! I'm not going to put her name, or mine, because I don't want to embaress her or anything. But I wanted to let you know that your not alone. God will send "him" soon.

  2. Great post! =) I'm not completely for dating or courtship...I want something between a godly version of dating and a courtship that doesn't have so many rules or restrictions. I do have ideas and standards, but whenever the time comes, I guess I'll just do what I feel led to do. I like that you showed all the options. I think that courtship is right for some people and godly dating is right for others.

  3. An excellent, well-written post, dear Bess (as always)!!!
    I know that whoever your prince in shining amor is, he is definitely a blessed man to have you as his princess in the tower:)
    May the Lord pour many showers of blessings on you to-day, dearest friend! I feel very blessed to call you my friend and sister in Christ!
    Lots of love from your sis in Christ,

  4. Thanks for your comments, girls! They mean a lot to me! To tell you the truth I wasn't sure if I wasn't rambling on a bit in this post...
    Blessed in the Wait,

  5. Thanks Miss Anonymous! I know there are lots of girls (& guys) out there waiting like me...& somewhere one of em' (one of the guys, anyway=) is waiting for me! Thanks for the encouragement!

  6. What a joy to know that our King is preparing our prince!

  7. Dearest Bess,

    I really enjoyed readin this post. It was very encouraging to me, and I'm sure to all the other young ladies who read it!
    I have quite a bit of information about courtship on my blog. You are welcome to use it, or link to my posts!
    I know that God has a plan for my life, and I am trusting in Him. I pray everyday that God will send me the right person for my future.
    Grace is exactly right... The person you marry will definitely be a blessed man! You are a wonderful "big sis" Bess! :)

    Your Little Sis In Christ,


Hey! Thanks so much for stopping by Bess' Bag - I love these "little visits!" Feel free to leave your respectful insight here... =)